Threshold

I remember my Father crossing it, he was having a rough go at it, some missed diagnosises, some bad infections had set in, everything was spiralling out of control, not helped one bit, by the diabetes he had lived with, for more than 40 years. You got to be tough, to get old, you better be, its tough getting old, we moved him to a different hospital, different doctors, the old group weren’t gaining on the situation. I was there, when the doctor told him, an infection had entered his heart, was affecting a valve, that he needed to schedule surgery. So what about that old saying, you always want to leave the party, while you’re still having fun, Dad had watched his younger Brother go through some of this heart stuff, watched him suffer a bit. Dad wanted no part of this, he told the doctor absolutely not, that no one, would be cracking open his chest, that he was fine, going on, just like he had been. This all went down around 2005, I recall the doctor telling him how sick he was, telling him they finley were gaining on the infection, that as soon as they killed it, he would go in and fix his heart. Dad broke his femur in three places a couple weeks back, he fell, they drove a titanium rod through the hip, down through the bone. he is back at the nursing home now, His blood sugar dropped the other day, he went on a field trip, off to the ER, another close one, he didn’t respond right away. It has been rough on him, going into his fifth year, after fixing his heart, last year we got a real scare, he passed some blood, the doctor found a tumor. They did a re section, sent him off to rehab, in a couple days, he stroked. I took off by train, across country, January, 2009, there are a couple things, I’m saving to say to him, near the end, you know, get the last word in. They just keep patching the old guy up, it seems, signing up for that heart repair, in essence, was signing on, for the extended warranty. Dad was born in 1926, for over 40 years, he has lived with his diabetes, not many with this disease, make it this far. He still has both his legs, thinking back, he might have lost a toe. He has no feeling in his legs, can’t feel himself walking, hasn’t been able to for years. The eye doctor, has been battling for over a decade, trying to save, some of his sight, my Mother battles with the blisters on his feet. With Dad off recovering, my Mother gets a little time for rest, even at the nursing home, Dad is pretty demanding of her time, my Mother is a saint. She needs to rest, when he gets home, it once again, falls on her. They scanned his leg the other day, the rod had moved, guess that’s why he had so much pain last week. It is so hard for these people who work in these nursing homes, most seem to be under staffed, working within a structure, geared for profit. So I’m glad I’ll get back home for Christmas, I was looking forward to time with Mom and Dad, at home, and all the friction of the holidays, that is so tied to my memories. I am grateful for these five years, for Dad, its been a lot of suffering. We talk a lot, its real between us now, its like he’s finley letting loose of all his secrets, then again, most likely all along, he has tried sharing this stuff with me, its only now, that I finley listen.