on October 20, 2010 by alchemystic in American Upbeat, Depression Cookbook, Uncategorized, Comments (2)

I Want To Go To Heaven

My Father told my Mother this twice, during his last week with us, something happened, something powerful, Father Mac administered to my Dad, the Seventh Sacrament! I got a voice mail from Dad, September 12th, “Hi Eddie, how ya doing, OK, we have some ____ _____ for girls, OK, well I’m interested, you know, ever since your Mother said to me, hahahaa, I am just a girlfriend, looking for someone to play house with, OK, I’ll see you around, I LOVE YOU—–TO— ME!!!”, The tough old Marine that he was, this was something always so hard for him to say me, this was something, always so hard for him to hear from me too, he gave this gift to me, his last words, to me, from him! I mostly always knew he did, he knew I mostly always loved him too, Fathers and Sons, its complex! Things were clean between us when he left, 20 years back, up in the Alaskan Bush, we worked it out, we had no choice, not too much different than the two of us, being locked up in a padded room, flying back, down into the lower 48, we were good friends! I wear his watch, I carry my money in his wallet now too. I know Dad got what he wanted, you know, like fine wine, he got better with time, I prayed tonight he got some time, was granted a one on one with God, I bet he asked if God would invite Mom in early, it just breaks my heart, seeing her, watching her, in my heart, I know there is a special place in heaven for all those struck down by cancer! Its been a while for me, writing anything on my site, its been hard, I’ve been a mess, I’m just too hurt to cry! I love you Mommy, don’t know where in the hell that came from, face to face my last words to her, guess I felt I had to tell this to her once more, in those words, guess I felt she needed to hear it one more time from me, probably, I’ll never see her again! Damn this trip has been hard on me, its been even harder on my Mom!!!

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2 Comments

  1. Nick

    October 23, 2010 @ 8:04 pm

    Read your blog. ‘Too hurt to cry’- amen to that. You’re a good man, Ed. Glad you made the trip- I think you took care of what needed to be taken care of and your mom do doubt appreciated it. And what a great call from your Dad! That’s something to feel pretty good about if you are ever down. See you soon.

  2. Tony

    October 27, 2010 @ 12:59 am

    Hi Eddie, Yea, a tough trip I’m sure. No matter how much or how little time we spent with out folks over the years, knowing they were always there for us was extremely comforting.
    Knowing they loved us unconditionally, no matter our faults, helped make the everyday grind a little easier to manage. That void can only be filled by keeping the memories of the good times in out hearts forever.
    Yes, your Dad loved you, and knew that you loved him….It’s great to hear it, but it was always there, even if unspoken.
    The same with your Mom. I know she was tremendously happy to see you, her little boy, always
    I sure miss my Mom and Dad, and it’s been years. My memories haven’t faded at all.

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